Well... here are some dusty poems... I've got the award for the first one. Not that I really write a lot in English. It's just for fun. Get right on it...


**La Vie Approved**
This world is not that spacious though . . .
moths are working hard on my favorite black coat . . .
I thought I will hang myself
but grew out of it and got
that I'd better stay alive and perfect in any sense . . .
why don't I
let them pray to my picture
pray about me getting closer to them . . .
different faces, but all words are the same
it's a shame . . .
it takes a lot of guts to be perfect.
it's so difficult--to be perfect
on high demand.
relieve the fire in my heart,
cover me with roses and sunrises . . .
I know, you will smile at the end
and stick a silver bullet into my left lung . . .
I know . . .
that's how life goes on. . . .

**Teardrops**
There is no colour
And no music
To cover
My sadness
And my thoughts
Thin walls
Of my teardrops
Shining in the rain
What I"ve got
Today
Just a hand
Full of ash
And
A bit of a bitter sand
Of my freaky dreams,
Old memories,
Darkness of the windows,
Broken holidays
And the very end of the human touch.
Not too much....

**Anticipation**
Caught the tune of a bare body
I can dive deeply into your soul
Lights of the midnight are still
I don't remeber my fall
"Who am I?" - praying for darkness
"Who are you?" - whispers the silent air
You'll touch eternity, that's fair
I will stay sleepless for years
Watching your shadows on the surface of my moon
Being stuck in the fake of the tune,
Waiting for a simple right of being along,
Always staying alone,
Knowing the only reason to live,
Shaking in disbelief
In front of the coming happiness.

**Pain**
I will close the door and shut down the light
I will see that my cigarette's ashes are bright
I will drink overload till the bottom or so
Thinking of rain come to me long ago
I will cry at the face of the soulless glass
Understand all the changes from the very first glance
I will cut my wings with a dirty old knife
I will write a song about an empty life
Till I sleep like a sick and neglected dog
On the floor, full of tears, covered with the fog
And when I wake up it starts all over again
Happy Birthday, my soul, you can handle the pain.

**Heart**
To take an opener
And cut yourself up -
Useless.
I will find there
My little heart
Full of life
Jumping and twisting
over my hands
Not for a minute - for the whole five.
I am not any more a woman
I am just a hole in the stupid sun
Watching how my heart is dying,
Dancing
On my opened palm

**Chocolat**
Such stupid songs
Can come from little girls.
In the dreamhouses
You will find some desperate souls.
Hot chocolate falls
Right down from walls,
You just place your mouth
Under their vein,
Lick it out again and again.
The air is grey
And the wind has been sawing my brain,
My tears and my desires.
Stars in my eyes
Are taking me to the land of pain.

**East**
My bonny is asleep,
Wanna know nothing,
Innocent and sweet,
Breathing from the East.
Was she very lonsome,
Was it worth of sleeping...
When your heart is broken
There is no feast.

**Suicidal**
I used to build cages for the forest birds
I used to feed dogs with the golden grain
I used to write music for the broken drums
I used to wake up by the end of the day
I considered my heart an alarm clock
I was making friends with killers and jerks
I tried to melt you with my frozen mouth
In the moments of sorrow I wanted to dance.
Locked myself in the water I was touching the blade
No dreams, no songs, no letters to file
So easy to find a suicidal end
So hard to die with a smile...

**Dreams**
That's right.
I've never felt empty before.
Shadows of the past stand behind my door.
They are begging me dead
To let them in.
Turn around and go.
Shut your eyes. Scream.
Let it out. Get the wind.
Chop your brades off.
What sticks ahead?
Just another screwed love.
Wherever you run
You bump into yourself
And reflection of yours is mute and def...

**Ridiculous mind**
I will cry for loneliness
Asking to leave me alone
again and again...
Fifty drops of life
Will hang in the air.
Wonder how you dare
And why I cry
Without moving ahead.
Following somebody's flash-light,
Byting my own flesh,
I've just wanted to stay alive.
Dash.

**Missing my Life**
The day when I die
Birds are crossing the sky to the north.
Just a day. And the sweet little sun is deceiving.
I am scared to say "I am leaving"
I am scared to see that you know...
We are staying apart,
You and me - we are staying alone.
I will walk through eternity
Throwing days on the ground,
I'll be calling your name
I will always be looking around
Till you come, till you say
How life goes on when I'm gone....

**Who**
Who cares...
All the barriers I can bare
But don't dare
To look deeper
Into your eyes.
I am scared
To be despised.
Who will show me where
To run
From my desperate heartbeats.
There are no sweets
That are sweeter
Than the shadow of a smile
On your dear face.
Who cares...
I am losing faith.
Yessssss...........

********
It was raining and dark
When my angel smiled
"I will stay by your side"
As he told me.
I felt pretty and sweet,
With his words I agreed
But the winter has come
And got me.
How different I am
After a long long run
I have changed, I am tired
And hopeless
But my angel appeared,
Still smiling, but pale,
Touched me quiet and said
I look gorgeous

****Little Girl Inside*****

Another pair of sandals, other bag
My title on a wrinkled paper tag
My musts and wishes,
Laziness and pride
They leave alone a little girl inside
That doesn’t have a clue
That world is running,
But not around her.


Colors are brighter
When it rains
Rain is draining my soul
Rabbits of my thoughts
Are jumping
Through the infinite number of steps
That I skip on my way to what’s left
Which, in fact,
Isn’t a lot,
Yet, that is
What
Makes me complete
And permits
Me to stand outside of myself
And observe
Those little mistakes
That I could have easily stayed
Without,
Yet, those that I have not escaped.


Ancient ruins of scars
Twist me up in a braid.
I am now a bride.
Do you believe in that?
I am…
The one, who always sang
About the mystery of one-night stands.
I am…
The one who had left
And planned on
Being forever gone,
Doomed, damned and alone.
The one who had tried
To play tough and tired,
Is now a bride
Waiting for her white wedding,
Looking for a dress,
Getting depressed
Because
There are only few to share
And many years
Of unintended
Consequences